lost n confused

O.M.G..!!!
im sowie mt broken inside i hav not been
toking to u since i last remembered..
i got something to share wit u 2nite..

hmm.. i just dunnoe wer to start coz watz happening jus
made mi stuck at 1 spot n not moving on though i noe ur
having so much fun n laughter noeing tat u hav found sum1
new hu mite take tat place wer i could never once filled..

so let mi just begin by saeing guess itz too late to turn back time
now knowing that we hav been in this for 4thz plus n ended up like this..
was it my fualt or was it urs..? either way i dun blame both coz
it all started wen my hp spoiled n u left without mi knowing n wen
i found out itz wen u returned..

i was seriously waiting 4 ur msg till new year wen u wished mi
i was so happy but didn't know thingz mite turn out this way..
mirah has alwaes been asking mi HOW U N HER n i would b
like hmm she has not been contacting mi like b4 maybe busy wit
school n mirah too misses u so much talking to her..



till the day i ask mirah about her blog add n saw ur add i was like
HUH..?!! U GOT BLOG..?? Y I DUNNOE..??!! n i questioned my adik
n asked her y she never tell me n kipped mi in the dark about what
is goin on then she said she never wanted to see my sad but guess
i found out the truth sooner or later n honestly i cried wen i read ur post..
knowing the reason y u nvr contact mi like u used to before coz u
had sum1 new in life who had filled tat space i could hav never done..



so was it my fault that im no longer the danzuko u once knew..?
who would alwaes sae he miss n love u without fail..? i noe ur
hurt too but wat cn i do now wen itz all in this mess..? just as i
tot ur the one n wanted to be with u but guess god showed mi
i got to take alil more to 2 settle down n getting hurt once again..
do i even fit 2 be some1z guy..? 2 mi guess i dun coz i keep falling
down n getting hurt over n over again..



anywaes just hope ur having fun at kl n dun tink too much coz sum1
is waiting 4 ur msg wen u return.. but hey.. i still did expect ur msg too
but guess u just did not know rite..?? n im sowit if i did not sae ily
back at msn coz 2 mi tat meaning of love just faded awae coz u
showed mi tat wae..=) n u wanna know y i never said i miss u animore??
cause to mi u just do not miss mi like u once did or the love u said
was not like u did b4 too..



alrite im leaving here 4 nw.. btw if u really wan me back..?
do show mi the true meaning of love n gain my trust alrite..



if u tink u have found sum1 betta dn im all happi 4 you..=)
hope he treatz u n shower u wit all the love no1
could ever give..



dun miss mi wen im gone coz u got a imp. examz this
year do well 4 urself n ur family.. n if im still tat 1
in ur heart dn do it 4 mi too..



danzuko aka bleedingRoMoE

p.s u still hav not lost him after 4mthz n 10daez

bleedintearsnsorrow

bleeding romeo

haha hey there my one and only broken inside... yeah i know its been 5 days i have not turn to you as i was not around and even if i did i was really2 sick like i am right now... and yup the doctor say the torn which pierce through my left leg was very serious cause it might infect the other part of my body...



i am going to the hospital 4 a check up and dress up to see if its getting better or worse but hopefully its going to get better ya.. cause i miss my friends so much including u whoever...



anyways... i am just making it short here cause i need a lot of rest and i cannot walk a lot.. and this time i am posting cause this post is to some1 out there how i am just to sad, curious, and i do not even know what the fuck i want to say...



dear whoever...

can i just ask u a simple question..? where in the blue hell did i go wrong or did wrong to you till you just made me feel i do not exist in this world where i was once a friend of yours...?



why do you just have to go m.i.a without a single word huh..? is this a game you would love playing..? if you think your playing games with me then just 4get about it sugar cause its just a waste of both our time..



and by the way... if you think i am just joking around.. well.. i tot about what you say about friends do not leave friends 4 good but whats the use of me being around when your just not even treating me like a friend like you did once.. wheres the you i know once huh..?! do not tell me you have changed cause deep inside you are who you are still i believe tat...



seriously i did not want to leave after what u said but i promised my friend that i would follow follow him but guess i still got to return after what happened to my leg...



well what more can i say anymore just let mother nature take its cause... just hope you would read this whoever and i know you would not msg or call me ever again as you have new friends the old once you just 4get..



p.s : sorry cuzzie n friends i cannot make it to the esplanade today as you know whats my condition.. i know u guys want me down badly but i promise i would be down when i am 100 percent...



danzuko aka bleedinRoMEo bleedintearsnsorrow

greetings my one n only broken inside guess this past few days you have been busy listening to what am i going through and how am i feeling huh..?

well 2day i have not even taken anything to eat yet and i am feeling quite weak but it's okay cause i have no mood to eat at all and i just sat in my room the whole day listening to music and reading someone's blog over n over again cause i just cannot think where did i go wrong till this could turn out the way it is now...

anyway... i just want to make it short and sweet my broken inside that you would not be hearing all my problems n i guess my feelings is just fading away slowly cause evilgortic n i have plan to leave singapore and head to somewhere else this tuesday for quite a long time n i do not know when i am returning but i got a feeling we are heading to pulau ubin first and this time i am serious i am going my dear friend i am not lying n i wish i was cause i cannot bear to leave without a good bye from you personally but i guess that wish will never come true..

now the only wish i could have is never to return cause i want to leave everything behind but i just need my mummy blessing first cause if anything happens to me and i did not make it home... i am glad i receive my mummy's blessing... just do not want to tell her where i am heading maybe just say i am going to stay at a friends home 4 quite awhile...

to a special someone hope your reading this cause guess you would now be happy i am leaving so you could be happy again cause thats what you want right ..?? well i am leaving now just for your sake cause i do not know how to make it up to you after what's happening now and make you talk to me just for one last time a second will mean more then enough for me...

well i just hope you would do well in your O level examination and i also wish i could help you with your art but things have change so quickly that i did not know where it started going wrong.. you just take good care of yourself n i will always remember in life i was blessed to meet someone so special like you but i just let that chance slip away like throwing a million dollar into the drain... i am going to miss you so much that no1 can ever replace you i swear... this might be my last post so i am ending here now...

p.s i am leaving with tears in my eyes and the only thing i can ever bring along with mi is the memories of you and it would be a memory kept close to my heart..=')

danzuko aka bleedinRoMEo bleedintearsnsorrow

k.. i fell asleep only about 10 a.m this morning n
i just woke up about 4 plus just now... read someone's
blog n its so meaningful.. wonder how your english kind
of better then mine when it comes to all this...



by the way my hand phone is broken inside too now
after what happen to it last night.. do not ask what happen
cause it was a suicide tragedy... i just sat up all night at the
corner of my room n just throught about all my past n it
just made me feel fucked up...



i guess someone has totally forgotten about me already
gone just like that without a simple good bye or any
thing... haix.. this is life.. friends comes n go but the once
that stays r the once that glows...

where have you gone to..?? i really need you here now
but guess you would not even want to have anything
to with dan zuko already right..?? u say i just do not
understand you.. but guess i did now but isn't it too
late to realise now..? i can never turn back the time
but i hope that i can make things turn out better
in the future but is time running out for me very soon..?
i believe everyone has a second chance but your not
someone who would do that i see..



i am just too scared to call or even face you now cause
you make me feel i am a past that has to be killed so you
can be happy again... like a burden to you.. just tell mi if i
am cause i do not want to bother your life if i am.. i just
do not know what i want to do now but guess go back to
the path i once walked alone where i have no feelings...

oh god...
please open the heart of the person
i really need by my side right now...
i am just walking this lonely street
yet dying with every step i take as
the air around is just stopping my
heart from beating n letting mi
reach to the end of the road where
mr bright side always waits for



oh god...
the only one who is walking with mi
now is my shadow.. it's not enough
cause its just dying along with me..
send mi my guardian angel to give
mi the strength to reach to the other
side cause i want to be always there
for that someone like i always say to..

p.s hope you would just call or msg me soon...

danzuko aka bleedinRoMEo bleedintearsnsorrow

my satdae

O.M.G...!!!!!! 2dae the band at esp was cool or what..??!!! they are called urban something2... their songs rock man...!!!!!!!! ya i headed to esp 2day just to make myself feel better but how much i head bang n dance i still cannot 4get what happen n what someone said 2day...


i tot i saw someone who i never expect to see over there but hope its not the right person cause she sat at where she say she would always sit n she was looking at me like she knows me or running away from me...


oh ya nad's baseball cap fell into the sea just now and everyone was so shock.. then member cry la say...sad.. hmm.. we headed home very late today and shawn ask me to go china town to drink with him just now but i was so tempted but at the same time confused.. cause i just wanted to drink.. get hit by a 8 wheeler n lose my memory 4 good... but i tot of the people who cares for me esp my beloved mummy...


i waited for the fucking MRT bercinta say.. n as i was feeling very hot... my anger started to build.. in the train i met my ite classmate and we talked about hows life and etc... took some puff on the way to the interchange and reached home tired n here i am blogging... hee...


by the way.. this morning i reached home around 10 plus slept for about 30minutes plus then woke up by a call... guess evilgothic and i had a heart to heart talk about our past n life now... we are going through the same but i still have my mummy.. and i feel sad when i think about what happen in the past between my mummy n me... tears can just roll down my cheek when i was thinking about it...


guess evilgothic ask me a question which i have no answer to it yet n if i had it would be.. my late grandma n my late godfather.. but they are not around anymore.. n if i had the chance to meet anything i waited long to meet now it would be my happiness... cause i lost it very long already n only my mummy knows that the smile on my face is not the antonio who she brought up with this two precious hands of hers..


i wish my dad could just read what i am going to say cause i really2 miss him so mush n wish things had not turn out this way cause i miss the feeling of a dad's love.. the nights where he would come up to me when i am sleeping n just kiss me on my forehead... =') * i am just crying writing this...* a song i need to listen is - heaven september 11.. listen to it its for people who does not have a dad anymore..


lastly before i want to emo all night:
heres something i want to tell someone... i am sorry if i have hurt you in any way n im sorry if i am not the perfect friend you expect me to be... i am just labelled a fucking loser to you now i guess... if your writing about me... i do miss you soo much that i saw someone who looks exactly like u just now.. and if you think i am irritating to you then just tell me cause i do not want to be a burden to you... i wish that things can be like before but guess the scares just reminds me of my mistakes i have done towards you... hope you would forget me for all my faults but i think you would not after what happen... guess i am better off gone without a trace cause you would not even bother at all i understand.. =) i am leaving soon i guess cause you say you feel that someones going to leave you for good... that person is me... since your the only one reading this.. i have a sickness that the doctor say if i am not lucky enough.. i only have two years to live but 1 year has pass for me and i just want to cherish every moment i have... i know i would not believe a single word i say but its okay.. everything happens for a reason... i just want to say again a million sorry n i miss you alot... hope to talk to you again... you take care n study hard.. good luck n all the best for your up coming exams...

p.s i just lost a special someone who would always be kept in my heart n memories..

danzuko aka bleedinRoMEo bleedintearsnsorrow

im back...

hmm.. it's been 8 months since i last came into here but guess there is no1 i cud tell how i am feeling except u broken inside.. n rite now i just dun even know where to begin... n where to end... but i still got to let everything out over here...

firstly.. it's been a long 8months 4 mi n many things happen as time passes like the day is getting shorter n shorter... if u think i have made man friends... r u blind or what huh..?!!! i am losing each 1 of them as days passes n people changes...

i do not mix wit my secondary sch friends anymore cause most of the guys r in NS already n the girls r mostly busy wit work or sch... n also 4 my ite friends...? i lost most of their contacts.. the only people i contact now is people from esp n my good friend evilgothic.. i came in here just to let someone who really wanted to read my blog know how am i feeling currently...

hmm... its been almost one mouth now that i have known you.. n honestly... your one hell of a person man... the first time we chat deep inside i had this feeling that we going to get on really well n i guess we did but yet that feeling just hunt me whenever i fell into a deep stare... cause the way i see to it... i just feel sad... reading your blog everyday just give me sleepless nights...


firstly.. its because i want to get to know you better but i just don't seem to get any closer to even know more about you... it's like every two steps i try to know something new about you.. i fall two steps down.. maybe you cannot see it but thats how i feel...


secondly... guess you just knew me 4 almost one month n yeah you do not know much about me but i am a person who treasure n cherish all my friends new or old but your a small group of them who i keep close to my heart cause to mi you guys are special n you guys always make my day..


lastly... you always would ask me if i am angry at you for not calling mi or sleeping in the phone while talking... well honestly... i am not angry or mad at u cause who am i to you to get mad or angry at you... i am just a stranger who does not know who is he to you... i don't even know the meaning of friendship now... you showed that to mi...


ohh... n please do not say that you would call me back later when you never once did... i feel like i am being fooled around n it's alright with mi... i don't mind but it hurts when i read your blog and i find out the reason you never call mi back...


for your info... you wrote at your blog that you promise that you would be there for me when i need someone but where are you now huh...!!!! it's alright i understand you are busy...


if you want to know what i wished right now.. i wished that you were here right beside me so i could hug you tight n cry my feelings out cause if i scribble everything down here... my poor broken inside would not rest...

but the only wish that would come true is mi slashing my wrist n just let it bleed till the last drip of my blood... just feel like starting my emo days one last time where hatred n revange is my cap of tea... n people will hate mi for who i have become...

i am stopping here for now as my fingers are asking mi for mercy so hope you get to read what i want to tell you all this while n how i feel... n i just want to say if whatever happens after this... you will always be someone i would not forget n it's nice knowing someone like you....

p.s a dream of going to the land of no memories cause i feel better off there..


danzuko aka bleeding RoMEo bleedintearsnsorrow

ON MY MIND...

ok i'll make it short n swit coz im too tired nw so i lazy to type long2..

hmm... i was dae dreaming the whole trip through 2dae when my teacher brought my whole class on a trip around singapore in a farry... itz like i was listening to tis song the whole dae "WHEN UR GONE" n i wished sumone could dalicate this song to mi coz the song was so 4 my ex once apon a time in the past... n talking about her... guess i hav gotten over her but our sweet memories still cannot be 4gotten n itz stuck to my head... guess we still r frenz ryt..? im greatful enough alreadi betta then we not having anithing to do wit each other animore... i juz dun hav the same feeling which i had when i was waiting 4 u this almost 1 year... the love the care n the wae we used to talk.. n guess im not missing u like i alwaes did every single dae...

n about this sumone who has been on my mind resently... i dunno if my mindset towards u is changing coz wat i saw tat dae was a feeling i never felt before in my life n i dun blame u 4 making mi feel tat wae coz u dun even noe if i like u or not... itz like u sae tatz ur lepak2 memberz who u noe 4 2 years eh..? till because of them u r who u r todae... hey.. my frenz who i lepak2 wit pun dun touch our other gerl frenz like tat man... n they dun juz kiss like got no respect 4 gerlz like tat... n u wanna noe the true reason y i wanna juz leave u n go sumwer else..?? itz not because u were gonna get drunk but itz because i was hurt about wat this two painful eyes of mine saw... a gerl who i was starting to fall for kissing n being touched by other guy like she was so cheap... i noe shes not deep inside...

seriously... i can juz sit infront of u n juz look a ur smile n ur pretty face coz it makez mi feel like im dreaming... but itz like im so confuse right now cause i dun love to get hurt n i hav gotten hurt too many times over n over again till i juz thought u were the one who could finally fix back this broken heart but guess i was wrong.. or maybe itz still nt the time yet...i juz feel like juz walking awae witout a single word n never to return or look back... or should i juz be there for u n take care of u so that nothing wud happen to u till u got urself a boifren then i would leave for good... hw..??? wish u were reading this...making u or seeing u happy is the least i could do piggy

sumone once said to mi..." gerls are juz using guyz... when they need u.. they find u... but when they dun.. u dun even exist in their life... they alwaes keep u waiting or make u feel like they r falling for u cause they noe tat u wud be there if they need sumone to turn to..." tatz wat happen to mi this past one year n if ur wondering how cn a toopid guy like mi can hold on for so long.. well im a king tat if i fall for sumone.. i wud giv them everything i cn or do... n one thing u should not do to mi is hurt mi... i had been hurt to much alreadi n i dun wanna feel hurt no more...

<3>

anto aka hotsuff
bleedintearsnsorrow

if i fall again i promise im gonna leave this part behind...